Celebutarded

Has anyone ever heard of Adrienne Bailon before? No? Me either. Why is it that some no-name actress gets racy photos leaked onto the Internet, and all of a sudden gets a rash of publicity from random sites (umm, much like this one.) Can they be any more blatant in their self-promotion? “Oops, look, my breasts fell out all over the Internet! Please don’t look at them! But now I’m famous, put me in movies!”

Although in this case, Adrienne Bailon is supposedly a Disney actress, so maybe it’s a real stolen picture deal. The story they’ve been spreading is that her laptop was stolen at JFK airport, and then the thief called her up and said he’d return the laptop if she paid $1000. She didn’t pay, but the laptop was returned anyway. However, some sexy pictures she had taken for her boyfriend (someone named Rob Kardashian) were missing from the laptop when she got it back, and are now all over the Internet.

So, first things first: no, she’s not hot enough that anyone should care about nude pictures of her.

Second things second: does that story sound like bullshit to anyone else? Why would the thief try to get $1000 from her to return the laptop? How much risk is he putting himself in by establishing a financial trail for police to follow by accepting her money, and then a physical trail by somehow arranging to return the laptop? That seems like way too much risk for a random thief who could just sell the laptop and remain safely anonymous.

Second, why would he erase the pictures from her laptop before spreading them around the Internet? That just seems like someone who didn’t understand computers coming up with a story about “stolen pictures,” and not realizing that he could have copied them without erasing her original copy. Computers, so complicated and magical.

And somehow the press is spinning this as a huge negative for her career, which sounds like crazy talk and completely opposed to how these things usually work out:

Like fellow Disney stars Miley Cyrus and Vanessa Hudgens, Bailon’s image suffered recently when photos of her posing scantily clad broke onto the internet. The photos featured the 25-year-old actress in a bra, exposing her bottom to the camera, a seductive pose that did nothing to uphold the wholesome, family-friendly image her fans held of her.

Seductive? I’ve seen the picture that’s going around, it’s completely meh. Does absolutely nothing for me. Not seductive at all. Sorry, kiddo.

The photos obviously did nothing to help solidify Bailon’s career or her Disney channel image, and she has vowed to pursue legal action against those who leaked the photos to the world wide web. In the meantime, she has offered her apologies to her perplexed and concerned fans.

“Sorry, fans! I should have told you that I have boobs and other naked female body parts under my clothes! I feel horrible for deceiving you all like this!”